December 3, 2007

Graybeard: So what you are saying is I’d have to put all kinds of effort into wooing you, spend thousands of dollars and be stuck with you forever, just to get a torte?

Me: Not just any torte. Linzer torte.

Graybeard: I might as well learn to make them myself. Now that I have the recipe

Me: Yes, but yours won’t be made with love

Graybeard: Yeah, but lets be honest, even if I married you I probably wouldn’t be getting that either way.

November 26, 2007

Graybeard: I’m impressed. I’ll be honest. What do I have to do to get you to cook for me?

Me: A steady income and a giant diamond.

November 20, 2007

Me: You know, the shoebox of “stuff” that you have saved from your relationship

Graybeard: Oh, you mean that pile of ashes I buried in my back yard.

Me: Well yes, but thats because you date the crazies

Graybeard: But yeah speaking of crazies, when are we going out again.

October 30, 2007

Yeah, what you don’t know is that by night I turn into a large black man who has musical gifts. I thought you should know.

November 19, 2007

I like to shout out my CivPro rules in the middle of coitus anyways, so its kind of one and the same for me. I like to start slow with maybe rule 24(b), then work my way to some interpleader. You can’t rush right into the the 12(b)6, but I don’t need to tell you that.

November 20, 2007

Now I realize that some people pretend they can resist my charm. But those people are liars. I don’t want to be with any liar.

November 27, 2007

Yeah but when you get stuck under a pile of rubble without your care package secured about your waste in fashionable manner… then we’ll see who cracks the jokes…

November 28, 2007

You know if you don’t get straight A’s I won’t be attracted to you anymore right?

December 3, 2007

Did I leave anything out my murder kit? I really want to make sure its top notch.

November 9, 2007

If I’m ever in the position to tell you not to buy a wedding dress I will.

As many of you know, Captain Graybeard, Esquire and I were friends for several years before we started dating. As many of you also know, he was totally into me when we first met and I shunned his advances. Repeatedly. At the time I was confused about whether he was actually trying to date me. However, after reviewing the evidence several years later it turns out I missed some pretty obvious clues along the way. Like the time he invited me to dinner at Nijo a week in advance and picked up the check. Turns out, that was a date, not just a random advanced craving for sushi. Or that time he kissed me. Turns out, I did not have something on my face that he needed to remove with his mouth.

In any case, the fun part about dating in the 21st century is that a majority of your courtship takes place in a digital format, and thanks to Gmail it never disappears. So, in celebration of our final countdown to the wedding I’m going to dig through the archives and post some of our conversations from the very (very) beginning. All of these quotes are from actual conversations in my Gchat archives – they have been edited for clarity, not content. And no, I have no idea why we discussed weddings and marriage so often.

November 4, 2007

Graybeard: That and I’m just a few years older than you, but it puts me solidly into “lets get married and have babies” land with women. Its so frightening, I can’t even tell you how bad it is.

Me: I had my biological clock removed a few years ago

Graybeard: So what you are saying is you don’t want to get married and have babies. Chalk that up on the list of why you’re awesome, right along with cooking.

Me: I also would rather stab my eyes out than plan/throw a wedding

You only have one week left to break up with me without having to go to court.